Every voyage is different, every passenger is a person travelling away from us. As with space travel, we need a plan even if we need to change our course along the way.

Take off
Patte was looking for more social contact and was having back problems. We decided to be proactive and found a retirement village that suited us both. Downsizing early was a good idea. Our doctor called us in when Patte had rung the back specialist three times in one day. Did we have a problem? A cognitive test a month later returned 18/30.

Six months in – Low orbit
Patte has hip surgery, and we find anesthesia and dementia not to be a good combination. The first week was a nightmare.

In the village we had a few complaints forwarded through management about Patte which upset us.

1.5 years in – Higher orbit
The strategy is to keep Patte busy with social events to avoid a steep decline.

I prepared a timeline for our lives to date. Key dates and places we have lived and worked. This forms a concertina scrap book.

Meals are mainly takeaways and eating out as Patte needs to be supervised when using a frypan.

Patte’s personal thermostat is way out of kilter, she piles on more blankets than she needs.

I do most of the shopping to prevent over buying. Patte’s driver’s license has now expired. I keep the only car key.

Patte forgets when our dog was last fed and overfeeds him, we now have a fat dog.

2.5 years in – More distant orbit
The cognitive test is down to 10/30. Our flight plan is working so far by keeping busy. Any disagreements are associated with meals. She feels that meals are her job. What is frustrating is that half an hour after dinner, she asks where we are going for dinner.

3 years in – Major malfunction
Patte falls and breaks her hip, next stop a care facility for rehabilitation. The hip accident caused further cognitive decline and a move to dementia care was recommended. At the dementia unit staff are friendly and they have a very good
activities program.

I finally got the accordion diary completed. Patte can remember most places and people and really appreciates it. She is even helping me write in the captions (amazing).

After three months we have some stability. My plan is now to try and extend this stable period as long as
possible. I know she may have to go to a dementia unit eventually.

She goes for walks to the beach every day. The staff have followed her to see where she goes and are not overly concerned as it is good exercise. She knows the area as her parents built a beach house here in approx. 1950. She says the rest home is “quite good” and likes the staff. She wonders if we are still married and wonders why we cannot live together.

She says that I have not visited for “years”. I do not correct her. Patte is physically good and gets good exercise. She says her brain is “addled”.

5 years in – Flight is continuing
We are now so far away from earth that time has little bearing. Changes are occurring but they are becoming less obvious. I am still recognised and greeted with enthusiasm. Our relationship is no longer so obvious to her. She knows our daughters but now does not realise that they are our children. A fog is gathering over life on her earth. I am realising that as we grow older our memories are our most important asset and they are being stolen from us. I must look forward positively. Patte is in a caring environment, and I will continue visiting her twice a week until she no longer recognises me.