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Caring Through the Night: Why Your Sleep Matters Too
It’s late at night. The house is quiet – until you hear movement, a voice calling out, or the sound of someone trying to get out of bed. For many care partners supporting someone living with dementia | mate wareware, these broken nights are part of daily life.
Dr Rosemary (Rosie) Gibson, a researcher at Massey University and long‑time collaborator with Dementia New Zealand, has spent years listening to carers’ experiences and studying the link between dementia and sleep. Her research highlights a reality often felt but rarely voiced: sleep is not a luxury – it’s essential for your wellbeing and your ability to care.
When exhaustion creeps up on you
Rosie’s research shows that sleep disruption often creeps up over time.
“Many carers tell us they don’t realise how exhausted they are until afterwards,” says Dr Gibson. “It’s only when the caring eases that the sheer lack of rest hits them.”
Being “on high alert” at night is common. Carers described getting up multiple times to help with toileting, guiding a partner back to bed, or simply keeping watch.
“One woman told me she lay in bed with one ear open all night. Even if her husband slept through, she never felt fully asleep,” Rosie recalls.
Continence care and night‑time disruption
One part of Rosie’s work looked closely at continence and its effect on sleep.
“Continence care is one of those hidden issues that really affects sleep,” she explains. “People told us about washing bedding at three in the morning and then having to stay awake for the rest of the day. It takes a huge toll.”
Carers in her studies described setting alarms to help their loved one to the toilet or monitoring in case of accidents. This hidden work often left them too tired to focus on their own needs.
The quiet cost of broken sleep
Sleep is vital for your own health, mood and decision‑making. Without enough rest, you risk accidents, illness or burnout. Rosie’s studies found many carers only realised later how much sleep debt they were carrying.
“Some said they’d been driving on two hours’ sleep and only later thought, ‘That wasn’t safe’. It shows how much people push through,” says Rosie.
It’s common to feel pressure to keep going, to maintain the appearance of coping. But that comes at a cost. When carers don’t rest, the strain can become too great – for them and for the person they support.
It’s okay to not feel okay
Rosie is clear: feeling tired or overwhelmed is not a sign you are failing – it’s a sign you’re human.
“People kept telling carers to look after themselves, but many said to me, ‘How do I do that when there’s no time?’ That’s exactly why we need to talk about sleep,” Rosie says.
Many carers in her studies said they felt guilty about resting, or worried others would judge them for napping or asking for help. Rosie’s advice is simple:
Give yourself permission to rest.
Sleep when you can, even if that means a daytime nap. Talk to your dementia advisor or GP about what support might help, whether that’s respite care, continence products that work better for your situation, or practical tips to make nights easier.
What could help?
Rosie’s team has explored approaches like light therapy and sleep‑hygiene advice, but she says the biggest difference often comes from small changes and support around the basics:
• Access to well‑fitting continence products that reduce the need for night‑time changes
• Help at times that suit the household’s sleep routine, not just the service’s schedule
• Permission to use respite care not only to do chores, but to catch up on sleep.
One carer described how a simple change shifted everything:
“My sister started coming over once a week just so I could lie down in the afternoon. It doesn’t sound like much, but it saved me.”
Looking after yourself is looking after them
When you’re well‑rested, you’re better able to provide the calm, patient support your loved one needs. And you deserve care too.
If you’re finding sleep difficult:
• Reach out to your local Dementia New Zealand affiliate and ask about support options
• Talk to your GP / practice nurse or Hauora clinic about your own sleep health
• Explore respite services, even for short breaks.
Remember that needing rest does not mean you are giving up – it means you are sustaining yourself for the journey ahead.
You are not alone in this. Many others share your experience, and together we are working to make sure sleep – a basic human need – is part of the conversation about living well with dementia.
You can read Rosie’s latest research findings here.
